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Nov 192014

Be forewarned, this story is on the risque side.

About 15 years ago or so, I was wandering around a major department store looking for some last minute Christmas presents for my daughter when I heard two people speaking very loudly from a few isles over.

“Where’s the KY?” a female voice asked.

“What’s KY?” a male voice almost shouted.

“It’s that jelly stuff. You know what it is.”

“What do you need that for?”

I couldn’t hear the response and I was in a hurry, so I went about my business. A few minutes later, I heard the voices again a few isles away.

“Well, our sex life would be better if you were more kinky.” The female sounded annoyed.

“I’m not wearing those leather pants! They chafe!”

Their conversation kept getting louder and more direct. I heard complaints about size, sagging and the last time they tried some toys I won’t mention. I saw people heading in their direction and people with kids moving quickly away from them. Laughter erupted from nearby, but the sex talkers didn’t seem to notice. I couldn’t take it anymore and I had to see these people shouting about their sex life in the middle of a store.

When I found the isle all the commotion was coming from, there were people standing on both sides of the isle. Some were pretending to look at items on the shelf and others were whispering to each other and giggling or outright laughing. In the middle of it all was an elderly couple, completely oblivious to the scene they were causing.

The man was using a walker to get around. The woman looked like the sweet old grandma that everyone loves to visit and always has cookies. Her silver hair was piled in a large bun atop her head and her dress looked freshly pressed. Not at all the image I expected to see when I rounded the corner.

My first thought was, “Go Grandma and Grandpa!”

Someone approached them and spoke to them. I assumed that she explained how loud they were being because their loud conversation stopped after that. I saw the man fiddle with his ear. I have a feeling he turned his hearing aid up. You’d think they would be rattled and possibly even leave the store, but they seemed unphased and went back to their shopping albeit more quietly.

I couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the day.

Now, whenever the holiday crowds get me down, I remember these two and smile. They made Christmas shopping every year a little more enjoyable.

Weekly Writing Challenge – Overheard

I tried to find the original story I posted years ago about this incident, but it has apparently been lost to the internet ether. I’ve forgotten most of what they said, but that’s just as well. The details were never important.

 Posted by at 12:05 am
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